One of my biggest bug bears is my two hour each way commute into London for work. I really wanted to share with you all what I consider the basic rules of being a commuter. If I’ve missed anything please add feedback! I’m sure there are tons of us where these things p*ss us right off!
First things first, do the British thing and form an orderly que! You know what I’m talking about, on the platform before the train has even left for this journey, we all bunch together and do the awkward shuffle, but you all mentally know where you each stand in the pecking order of boarding the train. Until the train pulls in and there’s always one numpty who doesn’t know the system, who tries to swoop in amoungst the huddle, and get on first. Step aside my friend! You need to earn these stripes!
Secondly, coffee in the morning, perfectly acceptable, I (like most of Britain) can’t function until I’ve swallowed a gallon of caffeine in the morning. Breakfast on the train however is murky waters, banana? Fine. Croissant? If you must but please mind the crumbs. An Apple? Absolutely not, you might as well hold a speaker over the crunch. And don’t even think about a maccy ds, you might enjoy the smell as it wafts through your senses but I would rather not smell of chips until lunchtime.
And now we’re off, all begrudgingly making our way into the city, now is not the time to call your bestie, or your boyfriend, or even your mum for that matter. None of us want to hear about your neighbors aunts dog who recently split up from the family hamster. Keep it schtum, texting is fine but for the love of mankind please turn off your keypad bleeps!
Great, we’ve established the basics. Now, reading the newspaper. Perfectly fine, I, on the other hand do not wish to read it so please don’t open it all up in my grill, and bin it after! On that note bin all your rubbish, no one wants to Kim and Aggie their seat before the commute home.
And finally, when we all get off, treat it as you would an airplane. Closest to the doors off first, everyone else depart row by row, and help the poor 5″ girl who put her bag on the bag holder and is now too much of a short ass to get it down!